Tag Archives: travel

Hotels: Expectations vs. Reality (6 Pics)

Posted on April 2, 2012 by Jeff Wysaski

Sadly, the hotel experience isn’t nearly as picture-perfect as hotels would like you to believe. Below are six discrepancies that we can all identify with…

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Things To Do In Chicago (CHART)

Posted on July 7, 2011 by Jeff Wysaski

I’m heading to Chicago today…looking forward to all the things I’m going to be doing.

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The Angry Traveler’s Guide to Obscene Gestures

Posted on January 12, 2011 by Jeff Wysaski

Sadly, the good, old middle finger isn’t the universal way to quickly and easily tell someone to “fuck off.” As such, if you’re in a foreign land and really want to tell some jerk how much of a douche he is, then this “handy” (lol) little chart may be for you.

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Man Cruises From Royal Caribbean (PICS)

Posted on November 9, 2010 by Jeff Wysaski

Hey jerk face! Put some hair on that wussy chest of yours with Man Cruises from Royal Caribbean!!


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Frommer's Travel Guide: The Mushroom Kingdom

Posted on June 16, 2010 by Jeff Wysaski

From the quaint toadstool towns and marvelous castle architecture all the way down to the small desert outposts and snowy, ice-covered cities, The Mushroom Kingdom is without a doubt one of the most varied and exciting travel destinations to encounter and explore.

Even when traveling with a handy magic whistle or not-quite-legal cheat code, there are enough attractions and world-class sites in the magical kingdom to keep you busy for a good several months. Whether visiting this crowned jewel of the Mushroom World for a short romantic weekend or a longer extended getaway, review this guide for an introduction on where to go and what to do:

Mushroom Kingdom – Top Attractions

No visit to The Mushroom Kingdom is truly complete without visiting at least a couple of these top attractions:

Peach Castle

  • Princess Peach’s Castle: Marbled corridors and towering precipices make the kingdom’s monarchial center a must-see for shutterbugs. Castle tours are available daily at a very affordable rate of 5 gold coins.
  • Dry Dry Ruins: Travel back in time to explore historical ruins of the Tutankoopa’s crypt. Roam the catacombs, marvel at the Chomp Statues and witness the fabled Super Hammer artifact firsthand
  • Boo’s Mansion: Believers in the paranormal will find plenty to excite their spooky pleasures at this haunted mansion. Is that framed painting watching you? Are those ghosts moving closer every time you turn around? Enter the creaky doors to find out.
  • Big World: Get “shrunk down to size” in a world where everything has grown to giant proportions. A favorite of kids and adults alike.

Shopping and Entertainment

World-Class Shopping!

A number of red-topped Toad Houses scattered throughout the kingdom offer prime opportunities for acquiring souvenirs for the traveler on the go. Enter one of these quaint shops for such knick-knacks as Fire Flowers, Blue Koopa Shells and Mini Mushrooms. Those looking for a new wardrobe can also find traditional village outfits such as Tanooki Suits, Frog Suits and Hammer Suits.

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In terms of entertainment, popular options include:

  • Mario Golf
  • Mario Tennis
  • Casinos (Memory Match, Picture Poker, etc.)
  • Stomping on Shy Guys

Getting Around The Mushroom Kingdom

Kart rentals can be found in most major towns and provide a fun and efficient way to zip around locations such as the Mushroom City and Moo Moo Meadows. However, kart racing can be quite dangerous in some tourist hotspots – particularly Wario’s Gold Mine and the Rainbow Road. In such locations, safer forms of transportation include:

Planning Ahead – Things to do Before You Visit

Before embarking on your journey to The Mushroom Kingdom, consider planning ahead with these tips:

  • Stock up on plenty of 1-Ups
  • Exchange currency: while coins can often be found carelessly scattered throughout the kingdom, it’s always best to stock up before arriving
  • Know which areas to avoid: unsavory kingdom areas such as World 8, Tubular and The Impossible? Maze are prone to high levels of murder and should be avoided

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If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include:

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Dinner Date at the 7-Eleven

Posted on March 18, 2010 by Jeff Wysaski

Sacre Bleu! Do my eyes deceive me? Can it be that Garcon Pierre’s two favorite patrons have graced him with their presence this fine evening? Yes, it is true! Monsieur Jethro, Mademoiselle Raylene, welcome once more to ze 7-Eleven!

A table for two, no? Shall I set up ze card table by ze lavatory as per your usual request? Ah, yes of course – how foolish of me! I should have realized by Monsieur Jethro’s decision to wear a shirt that this was a special occasion. Happy Anniversary, mon amis. I shall retrieve a flattened cardboard box so that you may place it on ze sidewalk outside and dine al fresco.

Your table awaits.

It shall only take a moment. While you wait, please feel free to visit our drink bar and enjoy a pre-dinner Big Gulp or Monster Energy drink.

Or, if you are ready, of course, you may skip ze soda fountain and begin making your dinner selections. The special of ze day is ze Nacho Platter – a fine meal choice that starts with a generous portion of white corn tortilla chips, slathers on an abundance of yellow cheese product, and ends with a delicate sprinkling of Slim Jim beef jerky bits.

The nachos pair nicely to a 20-ounce can of Colt 45. Or, for ze lady, a Boone’s Strawberry Hill. And for only 50 cents more, you can make it a combo and pick your choice of Nestle brand candy bar for dessert.

Of course, we also have our classic Hot Dog Combo, which includes one Big ‘N Beefy hot dog, your choice of Doritos Big Grab corn chips and a 20-ounce soft drink from our fountain.

Two Hot Dog Combos? Very good, Monsieur. Please feel free to visit ze hot dog tank near ze front of ze store at any time to make your selection. I promise you, these hot dogs were driven in fresh just last week and have been spinning on the heater for no more than 48 hours. As such, I guarantee the freshness to be to your satisfaction.

And how, may I ask, does the gentleman choose to pay today? I am sorry to ask before ringing you up, it is just that my manager has asked me to stop accepting personal checks from you, as ze last several have not cleared with ze bank.

Ah, tre bien! A government EBT card, very good!

Alright, mon amis, I shall leave you here outside ze sliding glass door so that Monsieur may finish enjoying his chewing tobacco and Mademoiselle may finish her Virginia Slim.

I shall grab a cardboard box from ze stockroom, and will flatten it and have it waiting for you at the cash register upon checkout. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do to assist you today, and please enjoy your meal.

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If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include:

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