Just because it’s Monday doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a break. Please enjoy these hilarious and relaxing tweets.
Red Lobster, day 23. Endless shrimp. They bring them in buckets & barrels. The ground is thick with husks. Our phones have been confiscated.
— Jessie Dean (@NicCageMatch) September 26, 2013
Trapped a possum who has been terrorizing me & now I'm starting to like him and want to keep him, which explains 99% of my relationships.
— Sarah (@thetigersez) December 3, 2015
Finally I can look at Christmas Porn and not feel weirded out.
— Man (@henryjonesson) December 25, 2014
I'm off to start my new life. pic.twitter.com/FjzCErZHnC
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) November 27, 2015
What if Adele was calling from inside the house?!
— Mike Bianchi (@Mike_Bianchi) December 2, 2015
Finally old and sad enough to enjoy Michael Buble's Christmas music.
— Sam Montgomery (@sammontgomery) November 30, 2015
It's like my Mom always said FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW:
— Brandon, But Longer Now. Look How Long This Is!!!! (@UNDEADTRESOR) December 6, 2015
We can teach kids there's no "i" in team but it's way more important to teach them that there's no "a" in definitely.
— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) June 13, 2013
The card on every Christmas gift I give will just say "I panicked."
— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) October 19, 2015
Most adult friendships are just figuring out whose turn it is to cancel plans.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) February 23, 2015
We keep just enough print magazines around so romantic comedy characters can have a job.
— Michael Green (@andmichaelgreen) November 6, 2015
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 19, 2014
https://twitter.com/BackrowSeats/status/573575229676650496
Fact: Bernie's full name is Bertnernie Sanders.
— Lynn Bixenspan (@lynnbixenspan) September 17, 2015
My kids have a toy fire truck that says "help is on the way" and at night I sit in the dark and push the button to keep making it say that.
— Post-Culture Review (@PostCultRev) October 23, 2013