Mike
Laughter is the best medicine, and this list will cure what ails ya.
Always be yourself. There's nothing to lose except the people you love, your job, home and self respect.
— lady bird seph (@ladybroseph) August 27, 2013
Everything I know about introverts I learned from introverts telling me about introverts
— Shira (@shiraselko) January 16, 2015
My Civil War reenactment group doesn't reenact fights. We just do opium & fundamentally misunderstand medicine & the nature of our universe.
— Shane (@Shanehasabeard) October 22, 2015
♫ Hush little baby /
don't say a word /
You're a stupid baby /
you don't know words ♫— Growly Grego (@GrowlyGrego) June 24, 2014
Asked a Target employee if I could open this camera before I buy it and he said he wouldn't even care if I killed someone in front of him.
— Chelsea Lockwood (@Chelsea_Elle) March 10, 2014
Plato's full name was actually Plate Of
— Unoriginal Tweeter (@LostCatDog) November 13, 2015
https://twitter.com/tigersgoroooar/status/653767130005925889
You never really know a person until you hear them try to solve their mother's computer problems over the phone.
— ghost mom (@radtoria) March 6, 2015
https://twitter.com/philyuck/status/503342072892387328
I just wish experience could be gauged in a base unit other than rodeo attendance.
— batkaren (@batkaren) February 17, 2015
put ur hair in a man-bun. now put ur beard in a man-bun too. congratulations ur now a hamburger. be free, hamburger man.
— sensual online dad [ham] (@koalaslament) November 12, 2015
"Um excuse me Mr. Jovi?"
"Please, please call me Jon Bon"— normsousa (@normsousa) April 3, 2015
"We should get lunch sometime!" they said, agreeing to never see each other again.
— Anna Halligan (@AnnamalHalligan) October 26, 2015
do you know why I pulled you over
*me, looking at phone* what— WigCannon (@WigCannon) October 29, 2015
[wife gets home from work]
"have you spent all day pretending to be an astronaut again"
dont be-
[dog walks past wrapped in tin foil]
ok yes— k e i t h 🐤🥔 (@KeetPotato) November 5, 2015