Mike
Kick your week up a notch by reading these fantastic tweets. Bam!
Doing a cannonball is just an awesome way to get to be in the fetal position for a second
— Sam (@SamuelMoen) May 24, 2015
Florida's state bird is an unsupervised 2 year old just wearing a diaper.
— Matt Fernandez (@FattMernandez) June 29, 2015
There is nothing more irritating than the sound of children having fun.
— Matt Monroe (@heymonroe) June 16, 2015
if you want to see the typing bubble in real life be the first person in the relationship to say i love you
— pascalle (@frenchielaboozi) July 9, 2015
If you leave me a voicemail it better just be you roaring like the dinosaur you are.
— Erik Allen (@Erik_Allen) June 12, 2015
Shark Week jumped itself.
— Kim Holcomb (@kimholcomb) July 6, 2015
Your cat has a really cool personality I love how it looks scared and silent all the time
— Mary "get rid of the Nazis already" Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) July 9, 2015
What I don't know about sports could fill a baseball rink
— Christopher Sweet (@kingofalltweets) June 13, 2015
Bro, a beer
A cool, chill beerRay
Dude loves his paintball gunMe,
A name
I love myselfFar,
How long is this beer run— steve carell (@quintywinties) July 8, 2015
Feel like making a documentary about something incredibly specific, like the Eddie Bauer edition Ford Explorer.
— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) July 2, 2015
Before asking someone what they do for a living, remember that there is an evil Batman villain whose whole power is annoying questions.
— Turkey Jerky (@MarkAgee) July 5, 2015
It's not interrupting if the person talking is saying something dumb.
— elizabeth williams (@Elizasoul80) July 6, 2015
In just one weekend, Magic Mike XXL has obliterated all the progress men made with the Dad Bod Movement. 🙁
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) July 5, 2015
Crazy coincidence how everyone’s soulmate is roughly as attractive as them
— Michael Dawson (@michaeljdawson) June 9, 2015
I saw a sign that said falling rocks so I tried and it doesn’t
— Elle Oh Hell plus several ellipses……………. (@ElleOhHell) November 29, 2014