May these funnies make your day and get you through the week.
Sure reading a book under a tree is peaceful but imagine how stressful it is for the tree to see a bunch of it's dead friends in your hand.
— Lyle Clip Art (@Kyle_Lippert) March 7, 2014
[to lifeguard for second time in same day] thank you
— brent (@murrman5) July 2, 2015
At a restaurant I thought a family was praying at the table but then I realized they were all texting.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 27, 2012
Did Seinfeld ever figure out what the deal was?
— Brandon Scott Wolf (@BrandonEsWolf) June 30, 2015
next time someone says something mean to you, take a deep breath, count to 10 and devise a plan to ruin their life forever.
— Mae (@mzeld) July 1, 2015
I have to try all the Taco Bell foods that are only around for a limited time. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what if.
— Nicole Betz (@TomHanksIsHot) June 11, 2015
doctor: are you sexually active?
me: you first— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) June 17, 2015
https://twitter.com/MrsTomServo/status/96780274993602560
When a parent tells a kid to stop it you're about to see the best version of what that kid was doing
— Tim Martin (@timmartinwhy) June 22, 2015
I feel bad for photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
— The Cisco Kid (@TheCiscoKidder) January 22, 2014
A little about me: my favorite song is happy birthday and my favorite band is just my mom singing it.
— Nathan Buckley (@duplicitron) November 7, 2014
I'll park in the expectant mothers spot because you never know what turn the day might take.
— Ashley Grashaw (@ashgrash) February 21, 2012
My wife likes to smile & wave at kids to let them know the world is a friendly place, I walk behind her flipping them off, cause it's not.
— Gage Boston (@GageBoston) July 31, 2011
we all had to sign a card for a coworker thats retiring and i just wrote "please take me with you" in it
— rap game glenna (@glenna_opt) June 20, 2012
I cut my water bill by listening to Pitbull in the shower. I'm down to 38 seconds.
— hannah (@TribalSpaceCat) June 20, 2015