Mike
From the farthest corners of the Twitterverse, here are your champions:
Hey nice try, people named Tristan. Or I should say Stan Stan Stan.
— Growly Grego (@GrowlyGrego) December 3, 2013
https://twitter.com/philyuck/status/477865672832073729
Somebody wrote "wash me" on my car. I'm so lazy, I just wrote "no" under it.
— Patrick McLellan (@pmclellan) February 28, 2012
*whispers to an avocado*
"I'm the good kind of fat, too."— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 25, 2014
Your Google Self-Driving car should be taken away if you don't let your dog sit in the driver's seat while you hold a map riding shotgun.
— Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) May 16, 2015
You know what else is gluten-free at this party Kayla? The door.
— Lisa Bizzle (@Lisa_Bizzle) May 25, 2013
More Advantages to Being a Goth So Far:
-I can wear Joy Division shirts everywhere
-Life is funner without eyebrows
-No one talks to me— Brendan Smith (@blacksab67) September 26, 2013
Kale, you're on the bench.
Nachos, suit up.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) June 25, 2015
Gay Divorce Court is going to be the best show in history
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) June 26, 2015
Girl are you the water level in Super Mario because this is taking forever and quit being fun an hour ago
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) June 22, 2015
*texts roommate*
Hey when are you leaving I want to leave my room
— Winbarryfairy (@Winbarryfairy) May 14, 2015
You guys, I just submitted a tweet to Twitter, and they accepted it and put it on their website!
— Ray (@SirEviscerate) December 9, 2013
i don't have the energy to have a hairstyle
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) May 31, 2015
*exercises sarcastically*
— elizabeth williams (@Elizasoul80) June 19, 2015
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
— Gretchen von Tongeln (@Metalligretch) June 9, 2015