Looking to cure your case of the Mondays? Try some hilarious tweets!
Before you can call someone you're dating your "partner" you should have to solve a crime together.
— Chelsea Lockwood (@Chelsea_Elle) January 29, 2014
Did you know you can turn Tylenol into Tylenol Back Pain just by adding the words "Back Pain"? The secret ingredient is words.
— Jason Berlin (@JasonBerlin) November 30, 2012
Cashier at register: so you have big plans tonight?!
Me: We don't have to do this.
— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) September 4, 2014
I don't have tattoos for the same reason I don't have children — I'm afraid if someone tells me they're ugly, I won't want them anymore.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) May 23, 2015
I'd be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
— Meth Lab for Cutie (@kiralc) May 21, 2015
https://twitter.com/JhonRules/status/595080003559129088
mind if i nail your shoes on?
horse: no problem— WigCannon (@WigCannon) May 21, 2015
Sorry I pretended I was drowning so you could see how incredible my hair looked underwater.
— Boo Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) August 18, 2013
Just gave a presentation to a room full of crickets and I either killed it or bombed.
— Elle Oh Hell plus several ellipses……………. (@ElleOhHell) May 21, 2015
My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji.
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) October 9, 2014
You never really know a person until you hear them try to solve their mother's computer problems over the phone.
— ghost mom (@radtoria) March 6, 2015
A person with glasses can see all of your flaws. They are in a position of power. You're picking on the wrong kids, bullies.
— Mindy Furano (@MindyFurano) May 18, 2015
A tribal tattoo is what happens when a dude who wants to get inked up isn't passionate about anything
— Retired Zoologist (@SortaBad) April 27, 2015
can't wait til the future when humans can fly and we can finally complain about bird traffic
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) May 18, 2015
If you see someone attractive, it's ok to stare at us.
— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) May 6, 2015