If you think your cat would never leave you, think again…
*me petting my cat*
CAT: This is the happiest I will ever be*a door opens*
CAT: Now is my chance to flee this prison and never return— joseph turkey (@sad_tree) February 24, 2015
Bart Simpson might want to think twice about those prank calls given the name of Moe's profession.
— several onions (@Amusitr0n) October 8, 2014
do u believe in love at first sight or should i Heely by again
— EJ Gomez (@EJGomez) March 1, 2015
I hate that all Chester Cheetah cares about is cheetos. People are dying.
— Steve Wolfhard (@wolfhard) March 1, 2015
Brita water filters are great because it's, like, how can I get what I want but slower?
— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) February 24, 2015
https://twitter.com/Merman_Melville/status/561297293304139776
If you can moonwalk, that had better be the first fucking thing I know about you.
— marty (@meatballwizard) April 8, 2014
Kanye definitely buys the $20 picture of himself on the roller coaster.
— Matt Fernandez (@FattMernandez) February 9, 2015
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iloveparisdogs— public affairs? keep mine private! (from my wife) (@ruinedpicnic) February 11, 2015
Shhhh no more words. We have emojis now.
— moody monday (@mdob11) February 5, 2015
Ran out of coffee this morning so I snorted the powder at the bottom of the Lucky Charms box to wake up & long story short I'm immortal now
— Retired Zoologist (@SortaBad) March 4, 2015
[intervention]
SHAGGY:Like what's up guys?
VELMA: U need to stop using drugs
SHAGGY:Let's get outta here Scoob
FRED:Scooby died 15 years ago— pat tobin (@tastefactory) February 27, 2015
IMDb is run by a really proud bee.
— Liz Buckley (@liz_buckley) February 4, 2015
i have good and bad news
Wife: Ok, the bad news?
i didn't clean out the garage
Wife:*sigh* the good news?
[holds up cat dressed as Thor]
— Dan (@ehdannyboy) March 6, 2015
JK Simmons has done a lot better than his brother LOL Simmons
— Unoriginal Tweeter (@LostCatDog) February 24, 2015