The United States of Scary Things

Halloween is creeping up! In honor of the scariest of all holidays, here’s a map that shows you’ve got something to be scared about no matter which state you live in. (click image to enlarge)

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34 Responses to The United States of Scary Things

  1. Pat J says:

    Invading Shopping Canadians

    FTFY.

  2. Tyler says:

    Jeffery Dahmer was DEFINITELY from Milwaukee, WI and not Ohio. I know this because my girlfriends house is a block away from where he murdered all those people. They had it torn down.

  3. Mark says:

    Yea, you can change Dahmer to the Browns for Ohio and you still have pretty scary.

  4. Eric C says:

    Um, North Carolina isn’t exactly known for rattlesnakes, they only live in small pockets in the mountains and pygmy rattlers at the coast. Not so scary. Give them to Arizona, and we’ll rock Zombie Jessie Helms. Or we’ll throw you on a hog cooker and have a cannibal pig pickin’.

    PS – 2nd Dahmer from Milwaukee

    • UnfinishedRiot says:

      I respect what your saying, and while it may be true North Carolina isn’t known for rattlesnakes, I disagree that they aren’t a serious fear around here. I’ve lost several dogs to not-so pygmy rattlers, and there’s a problem where rattlesnakes come up into peoples yards, just feet away from children playing.

    • Mike says:

      When I was at Camp Lejune in Jacksonville we feared the copper heads not rattle snakes.

  5. Drake says:

    Dahmer was from Ohio but murdered most of his victims in WI.

  6. James says:

    “Mormons?”

    Really??

    If that’s really the type of chart you were going for, I think you left out Born-Agains, Blacks, and Jews on the chart as well.

    • Byron says:

      Don’t forget REDNECKS….but then you would have to label HALF of the U.S. for that…….

      • Mike says:

        Very true, very true. Red necks are not such a bad breed once you get to know them. They’re just folks like the rest of us. Although you might not think it. I will say to all my friends in Texas, NC, WVa, VA, Arkansas, Oklahoma and all the rest that PA is as redneck as any other state.

    • Tim E. says:

      Anyone who believes in any religion is kinda scary. But Mormons are a special kind of scary. And buying into crap, made-up religion is really not comparable to being black. That’s not really a choice, is it? Some Jews would say they don’t have much of a choice either. Born-agains? Pfft.

  7. Red says:

    I second James’ comment. Lazy bigotry.

    • tout says:

      I disagree with James and Red. Mormons are just Scientologists with a 150 years of experience. It’s not bigotry to oppose a radical cult which pushes its regressive agenda on a national scale. It’s also not bigotry to be ‘scared’ of them.

  8. HKYPlayer says:

    Sorry But….Weak! I think I could have came up with better things if I sat down for 5 min and thought about it! Mormons? Dont get it! You Got kinda lazy with Lobster people and ghost towns!

  9. NerdChic says:

    Dahmer only lived in Ohio from 1968 until 1977. He was born in Wisconsin and killed all of his victims there.

    California had a few little things called the Nightstalker, the Zodiac Killer, the Manson family…

    Bad graphic is bad.

  10. Frak says:

    Fucking stupid. Just stupid.

  11. Keith says:

    I would argue that Garrison Keillor is way scarier than drowning. And not even Zombie Garrison Keillor; Alive Garrison Keillor.

    I’ve seen him up close. Frightening.

  12. Brad says:

    My grandmother taught Jeffrey Dahmer in Sunday School, in West Allis, WI (Milwaukee suburb). The apartment where he committed the murders was about a mile from where I went to High School. No kidding. If Dahmer’s not scary enough for Wisconsin, try Ed Gein.

    Agreed that Garrison Keillor (living or undead) is much scarier than drowning.

  13. kbailey says:

    Gary”The Green River Killer” Ridgway killed more people than Bundy.

  14. Jen Floyd says:

    Alaska = Sarah Palin. Duh.

  15. MiniNinja says:

    I’m sorry, Zombie Seth MacFarlene for Rhode Island?! Seth Macfarlene isn’t from the f*cking state, he went to school there and pronounces most of the RI cities wrong on his goddamn show.

    James Woods. Dumb & Dumber. Roger Williams. SOMETHING FROM RHODE ISLAND.

    • Trish says:

      WORD. You want freaky from R.I.? I recommend H.P. Lovecraft.

      As a Rhode Islander, I second MiniNinja. Every time Seth pronounces the name of the town of Pawtucket, I cringe. Seriously. Even our NEWSCASTERS pronounce it “P’tuckit”.

  16. Yes, there are roaming bands of hipsters here in Oregon, but 1) they tend to be localized to Portland and Eugene, and 2) they’re pussies. Seriously, you can just ignore them.

  17. Scott says:

    Sugar Ray Leonard was born in NC not Delaware.

  18. Scott says:

    Credit Card telemarketers, Crazy du Ponters or something else would have been better for the First State.

  19. Jhan says:

    Sweet lazy religious bigotry.

    And the rest of it isn’t even all that clever, but rather recycled.

  20. Amber says:

    For Dahmer was born in wisconsin grew up in Ohio and moved back to Wisconsin where he committed his crimes. So Wisconsin would be the proper place for him. But for Wisconsin you can also go with Ed Gein, Who was a creepy as graverobber and murderer from Plainfield, WI. Had a collection of women’s vaginas, skulls, and other body parts he either dug up or collected from his female victims.

  21. Erin says:

    jeffrey dahmer was born in west allis, wi. killed all of his victims in wisconsin.

  22. Bethany says:

    In Oklahoma Indian burial grounds aren’t widely recognized as being scary. There are more tornadoes here than Kansas anyway. But there is a legend that says some towns never get hit by tornadoes because of Indian burial grounds, so eh, not bad.

  23. Tommy B says:

    I’m surprised you went with Lemp Mansion for Missouri lol. I guess you saw the episode of Ghost Hunters. Most people think of Budweiser.

  24. Courtney says:

    Robert frost is buried in Vermont. That would make him a zombie there. All historical value of him is from Vermont. I don’t agree with north Carolina either.you would have said Mullets, those are scary!!

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