10 Easy Ways to Lower Your Lifespan

Like Billy Joel says, “Only the good die young.” If you’d like to be one of these people, then there are plenty of things you can do to decrease your lifespan. Below are ten things that have been found to reduce life expectancy.

No, that’s not a typo…studies show booze prolongs lifespan. FYI: Follow all these tips and you’ll supposedly shed a full 74 years off your expiration date.

Explanations and Sources:

1. Research has found that optimistic people tend to act in healthier ways than those who are negative. (source)

2. Long-term smokers live, on average, 14 years less than non-smokers.(source)

3. When you floss, you rid your mouth of bacteria that can cause inflammation in the gums. This inflammation can travel to the heart, leading to heart disease. (source)

4. The danger, stress and sleep deprivation that results from working in the line of duty decreases the average police officer’s life span by 8 years. (source)

5. Contrary to common sense, drinking alcohol has been shown to increase life span. This may be because alcohol can serve to help strengthen social networks, which are important for maintaining mental and physical health. (source)

6. Women live an average of 10 years longer than men. This is due to environmental reasons, genetic reasons and a tendency for males to be more competitive and aggressive in nature. Such behavior increases chances of death due to violence, accidents and risk-taking. (source)

7. Having frequent sex helps relieve stress and improve sleep. It also boosts immunity and serves as a form of exercise. (source)

8. Married individuals have been shown to be more likely to avoid risks and seek out a more stable lifestyle. (source)

9. Sitting 6+ hours per day makes you up to 40 percent likelier to die within 15 years than someone who sits less than three hours a day. This is true even if you exercise. (source)

10. The simple act of petting a dog or cat has the ability to reduce stress and blood pressure. Pet owners have also been shown to be less likely to suffer from depression. (source)

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6 Responses to 10 Easy Ways to Lower Your Lifespan

  1. hansmex says:

    Impressive!! And oh so accurate!!
    I’ll live a whopping 60 years shorter!!
    With all my sins and bad habits, I should have died 25 years ago!!!!

    I love this kind of total and utter nonsense!

  2. notdumbass says:

    Its an average, not a rule… so it’s not a mathematical formula which calculates your lifespan. For example, not all cops suffer from depression, etc. etc.
    also your a dumbass

  3. alsnotadumbass says:

    Agreed; unfortunately stupidity doesn’t shorten your life as drastically these days.

  4. Cameron says:

    This makes up too much crap along the way. Though a lot of this stuff is roughly true, the explanations to some are pulled out of the author’s ass. Women live longer because men engage in riskier lifestyles? Really? That makes ten years in the difference? Yeah right. It’s mainly genetics.

  5. i must die says:

    Thanks for the tips. This seems a lot easier than killing myself, it’s too scary, so I’ll hope I can at least die as young as possible (naturally)

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