How to Give Up on Your Dreams and Just be Average

When we are young, we all have dreams about the future. Perhaps you wanted to be a doctor, or an actress, or even a famous writer. Thankfully, by the time most of us grow up, we realize how incredibly intangible and difficult it is to accomplish such a dream.

And so we inevitably forget about these silly, childish ideas of “achieving our full potentials,” “enjoying our jobs” or “being happy” and quietly dig ourselves into a nice, comfortable rut from which we can slowly pass our time with minimum effort or stress.

Naturally, this is as it should be. However, for the unlucky few who still cling to the ridiculous dream of one day “publishing a novel” or “curing cancer,” the long and arduous road of constant failures and setbacks is an all too common occurrence. If you would like to break free from this real-world nightmare and learn how to blissfully coast through life as if in a coma, then do yourself a favor and follow these  four simple steps:

Get a Job That Slowly Sucks the Life Out of You

If you’re a dreamer, the first thing you need to get rid of is all that motivation and self drive. One of the best ways to flush these unwanted characteristics from your life is to slowly crush your spirit under the weight of an unfulfilling job. If you’re having trouble finding such a job, then you haven’t been looking very hard – shitty jobs are everywhere.

For best results, stick to the corporate or retail worlds. These fields are especially monotonous, and almost certain to leave you a mere shell of yourself. After a couple years of staring at your cubicle walls and discussing how much you hate Mondays with your co-workers, you can bet that spirit of yours will slowly crumble and fade away.

Tip: steer clear of “mirage industries” such as entertainment and fashion. Seeing others succeed around you may falsely convince you that your dreams are worth pursuing.

Buy a Premium Cable Package

If you’ve found the right job (i.e. the first one that was offered to you), then chances are you’ll be nice and wiped after putting in your 9 to 5 every day. At least, you better hope so – otherwise you may be tempted to pursue your dreams in the off hours. To eliminate such motivations, invest in a premium cable package.

Television – or as scholars call it, “The Great Distracter” – is the miracle invention that helps you turn off all those nagging voices in the back of your head that keep telling you to make something of yourself. And with hundreds of channels to choose from, you can be sure that something at least slightly amusing will be on to distract you at all times.

Tip: steer clear of inspirational or educational shows, as these may get you thinking about your life. Better options include TMZ, CSI: Miami and pretty much anything on MTV.

Take Up Drinking

Drinking is another great way to slowly drown the motivation out of you. A few glasses of Merlot, Chardonnay or Irish Car Bombs after work, and your head will be swimming with anything but creativity. Plus, filling that hole inside of you with alcohol (or drugs, or sex, or any other vice for that matter) will trick you into thinking nothing is missing in your life.

Bring Others Down With You

Once you’ve successfully given up on your dreams and accepted life as a normal, completely average person, it’s time to pay it forward and help others by bringing them down with you. If a friend or loved one is struggling with giving up on his or her dreams, help them out by saying things like, “you’ll never succeed” or “why don’t you take a break and come watch some TV with me?”  Not only will this save your friend from a lifetime of heartbreak, but it will also make things more tolerable for you – remember, misery loves company.

——

If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include:

This entry was posted in How-To Guides and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to How to Give Up on Your Dreams and Just be Average

  1. Alexander Diaz says:

    Right On! Before reading this, my mind was a buzzing hive of concern and discontent with existence as it is! I was plagued with an overwhelming desire to pinpoint the critical issues in humanity and find solutions! [chuckles] Oh, what a fool I was! After following these key points of advice, I can be certain of my future; an endless series of groggy hung-over mornings followed by countless hours of life slaving for a meglo-corporation who’ll eventually “let-me-go” before my retirement benefits would fully kick in. Thats security! Thats something I can depend on! Thanks, Pleated Jeans! No nebulous black hole of uncertainty in my future!

  2. Pingback: The Well-Mannered Boy’s Guide to Listening to Rock and Roll « pleated jeans

  3. Pingback: A Few Neighborly Complaints From One Bird to Another « pleated jeans

  4. 79sparrows says:

    *Applause*

    yes an office job is a dreamer’s kryptonite.

    try working with a bunch of statisticians on top of that.

  5. sgcray says:

    Oh yes… soul crushing… soul shredding… soul erasing.
    May I also suggest to get a subscription to a MMORPG so that u can believe on weekends that you are ‘Achieving’ something in life. Maybe u cud be ‘leet’ raider. Thats what you were meant to be.

    And then you can spend 5 days in ur cubicle, waiting for 2 days of real work.

    Stop lying to yourself that you were destined for something great. Make peace with your life.

  6. yvette says:

    I agree one hundred percent with everything and I can’t believe that I freally found something on the internet that I can relate to. I’ve been thinking for awhile to give up on my dreams because I can’t achieve at anything simple and basic so then what’s the use of trying something original or challenging. A 21 year old person like me hears all the time that I must have patients I’m still young but I’m the only 21 year old this pathetic.

  7. Abusadora says:

    lol. Like your sense of humor. thank you.
    There’s many people who has no dreams and its as normal as having dreams. U know everyone try to do what makes them feel happy.

  8. A girl says:

    You’re so right!
    What was I thinking- I might actually have potential in life? Silly, silly me.

    But seriously,
    This did just help me. I will be bookmarking this for every time I think “You’re crazy. It’s never gonna happen. Just go into IT like your parents, or get your degree in business.”
    :)
    Then I will remember that would be worse for me than failing at my dream.

  9. Adam says:

    Whew, I think I finally crushed the last of my stupid delusions of becoming a physicist. I need to face it- my grades are terrible, so I should just focus on having fun until I’m dead. There’s nothing like finally giving up, thanks.

  10. A guy says:

    I can relate to this and agree with this. I’ve been bringing others down lately and it makes me feel better. Silly me for thinking my dream to create a band and play my music would come true.

  11. Abby says:

    I love this article! Thank you for writing this I am seriously considering giving up my dreams, year after year I’m not any closer to them… In fact I’m way into debt and self doubt…this makes sense, the only problem is that even if I try I can’t fit into a regular job environment I don’t know what it is, but ive been let go from two jobs without good reason I’ve been told “it’s not a good fit.” okay so how does one actually fit into this soul sucking environment ? Maybe you can do an article on how one can fake it or strategies to survive a work day at a job you hate…well back to the drawing board.

  12. Reality says:

    After 14 years of working for music programs, I go back to school, get my degree in music and have been living paycheck to paycheck trying to land a job in music education. It’s the only thing I ever wanted to do. 2 years have gone by since I graduated. I was in the middle of getting my masters and I have been turned down for 2 years. The last teaching job I didn’t get was lost to a person with no degree in music or education and had minimal experience. I didn’t even get a call back when I was told I would for an interview. How mixed up is that? I’ll tell you what…..that was it. My dream job is going to people with no degrees. The thought of killing myself actually relaxes me.

  13. Acceptance says:

    Oh master! thank you,thank you!
    I knew deep within myself that all this dream achieving mambo jumbo didn’t make sense,finally I found something that I can relate ,and bring sense on how I feel inside.
    I am upgrading my satellite subscription to a premium one,getting a super comfy sofa and just cruise trough life,as it is meant to be,YES!….I finally liberate myself from this anguish .

  14. Tristan says:

    Haha, thank you. All you said is true. Worse thing that can happen is not succeeding and it sure beats the hell out of living a mediocre and boring life. Thanks

  15. Bradley says:

    This is awesome. I’m 22, graduated earlier this year, and currently looking for a job in design or animation. Obviously the search isn’t going good and it feels like life is doing everything in its power to stop me from succeeding. I have no motivation to create anything and when I do, there’s always some flaw in my way. Funny thing is, I also have an office job and it’s really boring. I already hate life, might as well save myself more anger and just quit my dreams while I’m ahead.

  16. Just Another Stupid Person With an Unreachable Dream says:

    When i was younger, i loved gymnastics, i loved watching it and doing it. I wanted to get a gold medal in the Olympics someday! But my mother, on the other hand, didnt think it wouldn’t get anywhere and that it cant help me when i was older. So i want to thank you mother, for helping me realize that i will never be good enough to do anything great in life, and that i should settle with nothing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>