Jeff Wysaski
Excuse me, good sir, my name is Officer Rogers. Is this the music festival’s lost and found?
It is? Oh good. Then let me ask you this: has anyone, by chance, turned in any horses in the past couple of hours?
No, no. Not like a stuffed horse that a kid would play with. I’m talking a real-life, living and breathing horse. And not just any old regular horse. Specifically, I’m looking for a police horse. You know, the kind that a police officer such as myself might hypothetically get on and ride around to patrol an outdoor event such as a traveling carnival or, oh, I don’t know, a music festival perhaps.
What!? No, that’s preposterous. I did not lose my police horse. A police horse is official police property! Why, if I lost something that important (again), the Chief could have my badge! What would ever give you the idea that I LOST MY POLICE HORSE!?
The fact that I’m at a lost and found looking for a police horse?
Okay, you got me. I lost my police horse. I hopped off the little guy for ONE SECOND to buy a couple of churros (one for me, one for the horse), and when I turned around, well, I just straight up forgot where I left it.
Maybe if I described him for you? He’s black. About yay high. Has a long nose. Four legs.
Well, I don’t know, maybe you’ve never seen a horse before! This is Los Angeles after all; the big city. It’s rare to see an animal like a horse in the big city!
Well how can you be so sure you don’t have a police horse lying around if you’re not even going to look? Here, why don’t you just hand over the lost and found box behind you and I’ll root around in it myself. It’s not your horse so you don’t know what it looks like. I’ll recognize it for sure.
Hmm….nope no police horses in here. Drats. Where could that police horse have gotten to? You don’t think it ran away do you? No, that’s impossible. I told him I was buying him a churro before I left him. No one in his right mind would skip out on a free churro. Those things are delicious. All warm and cinnamon-y. Man, I could sure go for another one of those right now.
Say, has anyone by chance turned in a churro? If so, I may have to confiscate it for evidence. No? Okay, just thought I’d ask.
Back to the horse. Is this the only lost and found box you have? It is? Are you sure? Maybe there’s one box for lost items and one box for found items, and you just forgot?
No? Okay. Well I guess it’s not here. I’ll just put my hands in my pockets and skulk away. Wait a second! My pocket!!
Of course, now I remember! I didn’t want to leave the horse all alone, because he gets spooked around big crowds.
So I folded him up and put him in my pocket!! Oh, geez. Yep, look at that. He was in my pocket this whole time! How embarrassing! Gosh, I swear I am just such a GOOF sometimes! Alright well, thanks for all your help, buddy. I’ve got to get back to work. That riot that started about an hour ago has probably gotten pretty out of hand by now.
BLACKIE, AWAY!!!
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