Jeff Wysaski
Guys, I have big news. I just got back from Tina’s cabin, and guess what? The girls want to go skinny dipping!
I know! Can you believe it? The girls? And us? Out there swimming in the lake with absolutely zero fabric between us and the water? It’s the kind of thing we’ve all dreamed about!!
Of course, I don’t think I need to remind anyone that at the beginning of camp, we all made a pact to touch a boob by the end of summer. And since we all agreed that Tyler’s brush up with Stacy’s right knocker during touch football didn’t count, so far none of us have succeeded.
So naturally, at first glance this whole going skinny dipping with the girls idea seems like a prime boob-touching opportunity. But is it really?
Let me lay down the facts. Yes, if we go skinny dipping we’ll get to see the girls naked. Ka-ching. BUT, it also means they’ll get to see US naked. And what with my back acne, Teddy’s obesity and Jason’s almost non-existent penis, I think we can all agree that going skinny dipping may actually HURT our chances for touching a boob.
Secondly, the girls want to go skinny dipping tonight; midnight to be exact. Now, since we were all enrolled in the junior meteorologists camp program, I don’t think I have to mention that Lake Pinasockwa is roughly 50 degrees Fahrenheit at that time of night. I mean, even if a bunch of girls are swimming naked around us, does treading water in a frigid cold lake really sound like that much fun?
Thirdly, I think we can all agree that the board shorts my mom got be from the Billabong outlet are incredibly awesome. Now, I know it’s hard to believe, but the girls have yet to see me in this super hip combination of mesh and nylon. And, I’m not ashamed to say it, but all of you guys also look totally rockin’ in the swimsuits your mothers got you.
Especially you, Pete. Seriously, that paisley pattern looks smokin’ awesome.
Unfortunately, if we go skinny dipping with the girls, that means they won’t get a chance to see us in our super cool swimsuits! And what with this being our last week of camp, I’m beginning to think THEY NEVER WILL!
So, at first I thought, maybe we SHOULD show up at the lake tonight. Except we wear our incredibly awesome swimsuits and just stand on the shoreline and WATCH the girls swim naked. That way, they’ll see us in our board shorts and we’ll get to stay out of the freezing cold water.
But then I remembered that Karen’s gonna be there. And I totally know that if I see Karen naked, I’m gonna get a super enormous boner. And if there’s one thing I don’t need, it’s a giant boner bulge messing up the totally awesome fit of my Billabong board shorts!!
So I say screw it. We’ve still got 4 days of camp left. There will still be plenty of other opportunities to touch a boob – I’m sure of it. Besides, Stan still has that mushy grapefruit – we can all just take turns touching that again. From what I hear, it totally feels exactly like a girl’s boob, and probably smells twice as good.
So we’re agreed? We’re not gonna go skinny dipping with the girls tonight? OH GOOD! That means we can do my fashion show idea! We’ll all switch board shorts and see what they look like on EVERYONE ELSE!! How fun is that gonna be!? I don’t know, but it’s got to be WAY BETTER than going skinny dipping with the girls!!
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